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I hit Fusion (135 W. Palace Ave., 955-0400) next You've never been more horrified than I was when almost every patron was singing along with that god-awful pseudo-hipster dance-pop 3oh!3 song "Porft Trust Me." The song is a lyrical abomination of biblical proportions. Plus, if ever there was a place I have no business being, it's Fusion. My hair isn't nearly cool enough, and I don't own any "awesome" shirts with Ea Hardy logos, nor do I wear cologne other than Eau d'Marlboro. I think the best part of my trip to Fusion was all the dudes who thought it was cool to just walk to the front of the line of people waiting to get inside. You're awesome, and nobody hates you.

On to Cowgirl (319 S. Guadalupe St, 982-2565) to check out country-folksters the Sean Healen Band. The band intertwines slow country jams with a rock 'n' roll foundation to create songs that sound entirely country on the surface, but secretly rock in a modest and clever way, Healen is not only one of the best musicians I've seen in town, but his hat is huge, if you know what I mean. And I mean hat.

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I went to every possible musical performance I could cram into five hours on Saturday night during Fiesta weekend (Sept. ...

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