Summary
Still, conditioning and consumer culture being what they are, such displays do become variables in many romantic equations. As some local therapists note, special days can heighten expectations in illuminating ways. Says Manny Neuzil of Burlington-based Cornerstone Psychotherapy: "For couples who are grappling with expectations and commitment and 'How are we doing?' types of questions, these anniversaries or [Valentine]'s Days can feel a little tenuous." But even for partners on solid footing, the romantic calendar can intensify the pressure. "Taking one day out of the year to offer a gesture or demonstration of your love - well, that's kind of big," Neuzil adds. "You want to get that right."
The resulting disappointment may be temporary, or it may point to more trouble ahead. "It becomes a bigger problem if there isn't a consensus about how we do Valentine's Day or an anniversary or even a marriage," [Diane Gottlieb] says. Her approach is to help clients "be open and explicit about what their hopes and dreams are," she says. "What are some of the things you want to bring forth in your relationship? It's better for them to be explicit about what they want than to sit in disappointment about what they didn't get."Neuzil agrees. "I think expectations can always be a bit of a tricky business," she says. She suggests that a "safer" way to look at occasions such as Valentine's Day might be to view them not as days to meet expectations but as opportunities to demonstrate one's feelings in unique, meaningful ways informed by real understanding. "A new vacuum cleaner might not cut it for some people," she cautions. "But a night on the town might."See the full content of this document
Extract
Knee Deep
The way I proposed to my girlfriend wasn't like a scene from a movie. Though, to be honest, that's what I'd been aiming for. We were skiing north of Québec City, and during a rest on a rise framed by a sweeping vista of the Laurentide Mountains, I shuffled to one side of the trail and beckoned my girlfriend to follow me. "What?" she said. "Do you have to . . . ?" She gestured toward the woods. "Just go. I'll wait here."
"No," I said. "Just come over here." I dropped to one knee and began rooting ar...See the full content of this document
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